10 Things To Say During The Porn Talk

Talking with kids about sex isn’t easy and talking with them about pornography may be even more difficult. The fact it’s a difficult topic is a signal that it’s an important one. That’s definitely the case with porn.

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Avoiding the conversation does not mean it won’t be a temptation for your middle school boy. Talk to them about porn and what they can do to avoid it! If you don’t inform them they’ll learn about porn other, less reliable sources.

I don’t want to get too specific about how to have the “porn talk” with your middle schooler. There are lots of factors to take into account before bringing up porn including his maturity level, the closeness of your relationship with him, his personality, and your previous discussions about sex.

You know yourself and your middle schooler(s) the best. But no matter what your situation, it’s your job to work up the courage and conversational savvy to make this discussion happen.

This is not going to be a word-for-word script of what the “porn talk” should look like. In no particular order, here are some things I’d recommend you cover when you talk to your middle school boy about pornography. You don’t have to use this exact wording or cover everything in one single conversation, but hopefully this gives you a springboard for what to say:

  1. It’s normal for guys to be attracted to the female body. It’s also normal for middle school guys to be curious about the female body and about sexual things.
  2. Pornography is words or pictures or videos of fully or partially nude people who are in sexual poses or are doing sexual acts. It can be viewed on the Internet, TV, movies, on a phone or in magazines.
  3. Porn (short for “pornography”) takes your normal curiosity about the female body and sexual things and twists it into something that can harm you and other people.
  4. Looking at pornography is wrong for a lot of reasons, no matter how old you are. Some of those reasons are easier for a middle schooler to understand than others.
  5. One main reason porn is wrong is because you may feel excited and happy during the actual moment when you’re looking at it, but afterward it makes you feel ashamed. Feeling ashamed means you feel small, unimportant and insignificant—it’s not a fun feeling. (Note: This may be a good place to ask him to brainstorm and tell you some other reasons why looking at porn is wrong.)
  6. Looking at porn can be addictive, just like smoking cigarettes! The easiest way to avoid porn is to not start looking at it in the first place.
  7. If you find yourself starting to look at porn or if you’re at a friend’s house and they happen to pull up porn on their phone or iPad, you can tell us right away and we won’t get mad at you. We will figure out what steps to take after you tell us.
  8. If you’ve already been looking at porn, please tell us now so we can do something about it. If you can’t tell us, tell another adult who you trust!
  9. Looking at porn is something a lot of teenage guys struggle with. Some of them don’t see it as a big deal. Just so you know, porn is a BIG DEAL to us because it can be so harmful to you and we care about you!
  10. In the future if we find out you’ve been looking at porn for a while and hiding it from us, we can’t guarantee we won’t be upset at you. It hurts us when you make bad choices. You might face some consequences until we can trust you again. But we will love you and forgive you and do what we can to help you live a pure life!

You can do this! You’re the best person for the job. If for some reason you can’t bring yourself to have this conversation, find someone else you trust who can. Awkwardly stumbling your way through this difficult conversation is better than not saying anything and letting porn get a foothold in the life of a middle school boy.