Guess what? Statistically speaking, your middle schooler is going to have sex someday. Hopefully he’ll wait until he’s in a loving marriage relationship. You as his parents play a significant role in helping him understand the value of waiting. That means helping him understand his sexuality and everything that comes along with that, starting at a young age.
Whether you believe it or not, your son is curious about sex. Why do you think so many teenage boys stumble into viewing pornography? Between what’s happening in their bodies, what they learn from classes at school, what they hear their friends say, and what see they in TV and movies, they are exposed to plenty of sexual ideas.
Please don’t abdicate your God-given role to teach your son about sex. If you don’t teach him about it then he’s going to learn about it from those other sources. And those sources often dole out untrue, immoral, and hurtful information.
I know that talking with your son about sex can be scary and uncomfortable. Here are five common excuses that keep parents from talking with their kids about sex:
Excuse #1: “He doesn’t want to talk about sex whenever I bring it up with him.”
Of course he didn’t! Middle schoolers are generally awkward to begin with. Plus unfortunately sex has been portrayed as an awkward topic because of general societal discomfort with it. That doesn’t matter! He needs to learn about sex from you. If not you, find a trusted friend or family member who can do it.
Excuse #2: “Talking about sex makes me uncomfortable.”
If the topic of sex makes you uncomfortable, perhaps it’s triggered from past wounds in your own life that you need to work through with your spouse, pastor, or counselor. Try to figure out why it makes you uncomfortable. If nothing comes to mind and you’re just flat-out uncomfortable, then I say this in the most loving way: Get over it! This topic is too important for you to avoid with your kids.
Excuse #3: “I don’t know what to say.”
That excuse no longer works because there are a ton of awesome resources available to parents. Click here to view my top recommended book series for this topic.
Excuse #4: “I don’t ever get a chance to talk with him one-on-one at home.”
Make time for it—we all make time for the things that are most important to us. You don’t necessarily have to be at home to talk about sex with your son. In fact, it might be easier and less awkward when you’re out doing something while you talk. Or talk about it in the car when you don’t have to stare right at each other.
Excuse #5:“As his mom, it’s not right for me to be the one to talk with my son about sex.”
You’re probably right. You might be able to talk about some sex-related topics with him, but other topics should probably be saved for Dad. If Dad isn’t available, find another trusted male in his life who can fill that role.
Be brave. Talk to your kids about sex. Your son is a sexual being—don’t pretend like he’s not. The solution is not avoidance.
The best thing you can do is inform him about sex in a way that helps him develop a healthy sense of his sexuality. That means way more than just talking with him on one occasion about how babies are made.